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igetthatalotHey. It's me.
If you're getting this, you're probably as confused as it gets right now. Let me just start by saying that yes, you're in a tavern, and no, you're not in the secret extra weird level of the Hanged Man. It's called Milliways. It's some kind of magic bar. It's not the Fade. I know that one window looks like the kind of thing you hear the humans describing in stories about it, but they also say you're supposed to be able to see the Black City from anywhere in the Fade, and there's nothing matching that description out there. Maybe the Black City has a bar in it and that's why you can't see the rest of the place, but from the way the Chantry talks about it I don't think that's likely.
By now you've probably said 'this is bullshit' to yourself at least two or three times. Fine. Your name is Varric Tethras. So is mine. Your father was Andvar Tethras, your mother is Ilsa Tethras, and your brother's an asshole. (The kind of asshole who abandons people in the Deep Roads because some piece of treasure turned his head a little too far, as a matter of fact. You're going to want to watch out for that.) When you were eighteen you published 'The Dasher's Men', which is a matter of public record, and bought two bottles of Antivan port and a chicken pot pie with the first payout of the profits, which is not. Have I proven myself to your satisfaction yet?
That being said, yeah, I know, this is weird. Getting a letter from yourself always is. If you want to keep the headache to a minimum, try telling yourself you wrote a note and forgot about it. It's a total lie, of course. You never wrote this. I did. I'm you, but I'm a different you, or maybe a you from the future-
Maferath's balls, now I'm getting a headache.
Anyway. The point is that you're in a bar and that people here say it's at the end of all things. Some of the people here will think they know you, because they've met me. Most of them won't. There's this one guy, Bossuet or Lesgle or something, who sounds like an Orlesian but says he's from somewhere named France. He likes talking about writing and books, especially the Hard in Hightown stuff. There's a couple of other people, too. Most of them... aren't from Thedas.
No, I don't know how that works.
They're from somewhere called Earth, and they've never heard of Thedas or Kirkwall or darkspawn or Qunari or anything. I can count the number of people I know here from Thedas on one hand and still have enough fingers free to pick my nose. Haven't seen the Antivan elf lately, though. It's probably best just to assume that everybody here is from somewhere you've never heard of and see if any of them manage to prove you wrong.
They've got a lot of magic here, too. No demons or abominations or templars, at least not that I know of. The bar's enchanted, and she'll give you drinks if you ask for them. I suggest you pay up instead of running a tab. I don't know what happens to you in a place like this if you skip out when they call the tabs in. The food's good, too. They've got rats running it out to the tables, but frankly the rats are smarter than most of Kirkwall's nobles, and none of them smell like they've been drinking. I wouldn't worry about it.
I've rented a room upstairs on an ongoing basis, just in case. You're welcome to it if you need it.
Say hi to Hawke for me. If you haven't met Hawke yet... don't worry. You will soon.
-Varric
If you're getting this, you're probably as confused as it gets right now. Let me just start by saying that yes, you're in a tavern, and no, you're not in the secret extra weird level of the Hanged Man. It's called Milliways. It's some kind of magic bar. It's not the Fade. I know that one window looks like the kind of thing you hear the humans describing in stories about it, but they also say you're supposed to be able to see the Black City from anywhere in the Fade, and there's nothing matching that description out there. Maybe the Black City has a bar in it and that's why you can't see the rest of the place, but from the way the Chantry talks about it I don't think that's likely.
By now you've probably said 'this is bullshit' to yourself at least two or three times. Fine. Your name is Varric Tethras. So is mine. Your father was Andvar Tethras, your mother is Ilsa Tethras, and your brother's an asshole. (The kind of asshole who abandons people in the Deep Roads because some piece of treasure turned his head a little too far, as a matter of fact. You're going to want to watch out for that.) When you were eighteen you published 'The Dasher's Men', which is a matter of public record, and bought two bottles of Antivan port and a chicken pot pie with the first payout of the profits, which is not. Have I proven myself to your satisfaction yet?
That being said, yeah, I know, this is weird. Getting a letter from yourself always is. If you want to keep the headache to a minimum, try telling yourself you wrote a note and forgot about it. It's a total lie, of course. You never wrote this. I did. I'm you, but I'm a different you, or maybe a you from the future-
Maferath's balls, now I'm getting a headache.
Anyway. The point is that you're in a bar and that people here say it's at the end of all things. Some of the people here will think they know you, because they've met me. Most of them won't. There's this one guy, Bossuet or Lesgle or something, who sounds like an Orlesian but says he's from somewhere named France. He likes talking about writing and books, especially the Hard in Hightown stuff. There's a couple of other people, too. Most of them... aren't from Thedas.
No, I don't know how that works.
They're from somewhere called Earth, and they've never heard of Thedas or Kirkwall or darkspawn or Qunari or anything. I can count the number of people I know here from Thedas on one hand and still have enough fingers free to pick my nose. Haven't seen the Antivan elf lately, though. It's probably best just to assume that everybody here is from somewhere you've never heard of and see if any of them manage to prove you wrong.
They've got a lot of magic here, too. No demons or abominations or templars, at least not that I know of. The bar's enchanted, and she'll give you drinks if you ask for them. I suggest you pay up instead of running a tab. I don't know what happens to you in a place like this if you skip out when they call the tabs in. The food's good, too. They've got rats running it out to the tables, but frankly the rats are smarter than most of Kirkwall's nobles, and none of them smell like they've been drinking. I wouldn't worry about it.
I've rented a room upstairs on an ongoing basis, just in case. You're welcome to it if you need it.
Say hi to Hawke for me. If you haven't met Hawke yet... don't worry. You will soon.
-Varric
